A Conversation Between Poker Gods

15 09 2014

Set up in their Monitoring Station on the dark side of the moon, the Poker Gods are monitoring several thousand poker games that are being played on a typical Friday night all over the Earth.

Zavdefrens: Hey Phago quick come here. Look, on this monitor.

Phago: Is that our boy Alex?

Zavdefrens: Yeah, and guess who he’s in the hand with…, his old man.

Phago: Are you gonna fuck with senior again? I thought we were giving him a break after what we did to him three years ago.

Zavdefrens: C’mon Phages, where’s your sense of fun and adventure? Of course we’re gonna fuck with him! On the other hand, I think we need to give Mauro a break now. How long have we been tormenting him now?

Phago: Hmmmmm, about 6 years. But try telling that to Queemr, I swear to Abduzon that he’s got a personal grudge against the poor bastard.

Zavdefrens: Sigh, will they ever learn. Now Alex, he knows a thing or two about how to appease us. They could certainly  learn from him.

Queemr: What are you two rocket scientists talking about?

Grand Inquisitor Peenux: Hey Queems, I’ve warned you before about being a dick.

Queemr: I was just….., alright alright.

Phago: Ummm, we were just talking about how Alex Fernandes from Earth Sector 2777…

Queemr: We all know where Alex is from you idiot! He is after all, our boy!

G. I. Peenux: Queemr!!

Queemr: Sorry boss. Yeah, that boy’s got it right. If everyone else sacrificed 3 goats and 1 herring every Thursday night at our alter, which by the way, he had custom built of Argonian Zynthite all the way from Belethor Argonis 3, then we would have a more balanced outcome in our decisions.

Zavdefrens: Oh, you mean the one he had built at his place, or the older one on the edge of the Mt. Baker crater?

Queemr: You simpleton fuck, of course I’m talking about his home one. SORRY Grand Inquisitor.

G.I Peenux: Hmmmph!

Phago: Oh man, that thing’s impressive! How can we not love him! Especially when he lights the alter fire while dressed up like Elizabeth Taylor and doing the PeeWee Herman dance on top of the bald tattooed guy with the pierced nipples.

All: How can you not love that?

Zavdefrens: Yeah, those idiots Carlos, Mauro, Chris and Eric will never understand what it truly means to love us.

G.I. Peenux: …and so they will continue to suffer. Status quo gentlemen, status quo. Now, enough lollygagging, back to work ya bums.

Queemr: (whispers) I’m not voting for him anymore.

No offence Alex, I’m just having some fun with you. :). Speaking of Alex, the game will be at his place on Friday.

Sireel’s Stats: POKER 2014

In honor of two of my favourite funny ladies, one just passed away and the other very much alive. I present to you…

Sarah Silverman, and drumroll please…

Sarah-sarah-silverman-nude 2sara-silverman-nude1

… Betty White

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See you all on Friday

Eel Out!!

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Ok, Ok, No More Points!

2 09 2014

You guys are pains in the ass! Since nobody can agree on a points system, it will be eliminated for NEXT YEAR. We cannot change trophy qualifications part way through the year. What I did change was the elimination of the 1 point for losing (as mentioned in last week’s blog). The point totals have been updated and adjusted as of this week’s stats.

As president of this esteemed poker club I do have a veto on final decisions. I have followed Congress’ (that’s you lot) recommendations re. eliminating the points, but I do believe we should still have a possibility of two people winning the trophy and so, I have a new proposal. In lieu of points, I say we also award the player with the best winning % at the end of the year. C’mon you bastards, how can you argue with that? The guy with the best winning % deserves recognition dammit! I would like your agreement on this but I am prepared to use my veto vote. Be warned. So besides the fact that you are all gay, I hope we can come to a mutual consensus and not have to resort to pointless name-calling, like calling each other gay for example.

Ummmm, the game is at Mr. Chan’s House of Sugary Donuts, which reminds me, his picture has been posted on the Players Page.

SpiC’s Stats: POKER 2014

New feature – Pixies of the 60’s. 1st up: Ursula Andress, one of the most beautiful women not only of the 60’s but of all time. Born in Switzerland, she was the original Bond Girl in “Dr. No”. Here she is in her prime, and now at 78 years old.

ursula-andressursula-andress-c1qabj53o1_5001ursula-andress-in-2010

Eel Out