Bad Beats

23 07 2014

Post Your Worst Bad Beat: If there’s one thing poker players want to talk about, it’s bad beats. Walk around town one day wearing a Pokerstars t-shirt, and someone will come up to you and ask if you play online poker. More than likely, the very next words out of their mouths will be telling you about how their aces got cracked the night before. Poker players remember specific bad beats a long time after they happen, and just love to tell anyone who will listen all about how they got their money in as a 95% favourite. So here’s your chance boys. Mine would have to have been when I hit Kings over Aces and lost to Alex’s Royal Flush a few years back at Jack’s place. I remember that it was prominently featured in that week’s blog, lol. Tell us about yours. Was it at our games or somewhere else?

Der Schtats: POKER 2014

2008_wsop_badbeat

… and in honour of my current computer game addiction (Skyrim):

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Game is at Murray’s this coming Friday because things are a tad frosty between the wife and I, and I want her to cook some nice edibles for us when we do play at my place which will be the following week. Here’s hoping she’ll warm up by then. See you all at The Weasel’s.

Eel out.





Another Crazy Night of Poker

29 06 2014

Wow, what a crazy game this Friday. For one thing I’ve never heard Murray talk so much. There’s nothing as scary as having a drunk Murray snap bet $12 or $15. Is he legitimate, or is he doing it because he’s wasted? He sure scared me off a couple of pots and others as well. And for those who say that new players coming in to the table don’t change anything, I say bullshit. Consider that I had a $130 stack in front of me, and Ken was down $60 before they arrived. By the end of the night, I had given Ken $60 from my stack. Murray, who sat to my right was now getting my good cards and he never trailed for the rest of the night. Poker can be a cruel mistress, just ask our own Mr. GarCIA, who continues to be the most snakebit player at our table. At least he can still console himself with last year’s (points) trophy. Which reminds me, Mr. Lum, 6 months have gone by and it’s time to hand the trophy over to the Italian guy. Bring it for the next game please. And speaking of the points title, that trophy’s gonna be mine this year. I just have to remind Paul that this is indeed the case and he’d better ‘back off buddy’. Damn rookies. All I can say is this: Look, you proved your point. We all agree that you’re not as shitty as last year’s stats showed you to be. But now that you’ve shown us that you can indeed hold a very comfortable money lead, you have our permission to start sucking again, ok Paul? On the other side of the coin you have Eric and Mauro. Don’t despair boys, you have a long way to go before you even come close to Ken’s depths of depression the year he lost almost $900. And look what he did last year, winning the money title, truly inspirational and a big win for the little guy. There ya go boys, chin up. And no, I won’t fuck off. I keep getting these telepathic messages as I’m writing this to that effect. Bizarre.

So there you go, 26 weeks have been played and this is where we sit on the stats sheet. I still can’t believe that Dave is still positive, but the big question is…, can he sustain it? I do feel sorry for Bob though, always in 2nd place. Year after year he always has good results but there is always somebody who’s ahead of him. I think we should start calling him Pepsi or Avis. But I’m sure he’s ok with it as long as he’s not losing. Alex continues to have the same kind of year he had last year. He rarely does anything other than come in 1st place or lose. Very few 2nd’s, 3rd’s or 4th’s for him. Actually come to think of it, that perfectly fits the kind of year I’ve been having too.

So, good luck to everyone for the 2nd half of the year and here’s to all the super-donks that we will be witnessing in the months to come. May they all be distributed evenly. Next week’s game will be at Keith’s humble abode. See you all there. Go PORTUG……., I mean, Go BRAZIL!

SirEel’s Stats: POKER 2014

A coupla Brazil Soccer babes for ya. original

Eel out

 





Alex’s Topics

22 06 2014

So I was trying to figure out what to write in this week’s blog and came up blanks, so I asked Alex for topics. He suggested the following:

a) When the fuck was the last time Ken won a legitimate hand? Oh he wins plenty of hands, but I just wanna see one hand that he actually fucking earned.

b) Why is Mauro putting so much attention on Renaldo’s hair products? Is it because he (sadly) doesn’t need any?

c) Bob “Cinderella” Germyn: Drug dealer to the WSOP Tour? You decide!

d) Half a year has gone by and Dave is still positive. Mind = Blown!! Maybe the lack of a certain mind altering substance has something to do with it.

e) Dad: Will we see an eruption from this once calm man if he doesn’t go back to being positive?  Only time will tell.

f) What the fuck is up with Keith leaving early when he’s losing? Can anybody say “gotta keep the stats up at all costs”?

g) Why does Murray ALWAYS have his poker face on? I mean, the guy looks like a freakin’ statue fer chrissakes!

h) Eric: Mountain Man wannabe or is he just prepping himself for a future career as a department store Santa? Stay tuned.

i) Paul is like, the calmest person with Italian blood that any of us have ever seen. Personally I doubt his claims to Italian-hood. Prove me wrong, pal!!

j) Somebody please help Jack. He needs our love and support now more than ever. He seems to be sinking ever deeper into a world of delusional madness. Please give generously.

k) Can somebody please buy Chris a poker book with the section on  ‘How to hang on to a large stack‘ highlighted so he can’t miss it. Um…, then again, never mind that request.

l) Oh, Ian is SO important now isn’t he? He’s much too busy for us unimportant people now. Or maybe…, he’s using his Union work as an excuse to skip out on regular poker ass beatings? Hmmm.

So there ya have it. Maybe next week I’ll concentrate on one of these topics. Agree or disagree with these observations?

World Cup update: Portugal still has a hope in hell, England is gone baby gone, and Italy is still hanging on by a thread as well. The game next week is again at the House of David (The Dave) Davidson.

Hey! How come I didn’t get any votes on last week’s poll? Maybe you’re all secretly gay? That must be it.

The Stats: POKER 2014

The babes: nude-girl-group

Eel Out!





Happy Father’s Day to all you dads.

15 06 2014

Yes, the day that was invented by a necktie company is finally here and it was worth the wait just to see what kind of card my daughter made for me. She was so excited to give it to me that she woke me up at 8 am on a Sunday morning (ugh). Oh well, it was awesome and mad love abounds everywhere. I hope you guys all have a great day with your kids too. I’ll be seeing Alex at my mom’s later and you’re all welcome to drop by if you have nothing to do. Other than that, I’ll be watching soccer all day.

Nothing major on the blog today, as I’ve got lots to do. Hey, sitting on the couch and watching soccer is considered “lots to do”! The next game will be at Dave’s, so bring your pillows for his low chairs. Here’s something funny I sent to my dad. http://www.jibjab.com/view/Pwy6iwQ-R7ub4wCVaLVvmg

The stats: POKER 2014

Poll of the week: Which do you prefer? Full-on, side, or under? Nice_Cleavage sideboob underboob-23

And with that…, Eel out!





The Patient Pokerista

7 06 2014

Ah yes, patience. One cannot over-emphasize how important it is to have it during a night of poker. At this stage of our poker skills, and with our years of experience I cannot help but think that it is patience, more than anything else that separates 1st and last place in our rankings. As skillful a poker player as I think Keith is, the one thing that I see that really makes him stand out is his patience. If he is not getting dealt good cards he will patiently continue to fold until he’s got something to play with, which obviously makes him very dangerous to play against. I see that quality in Paul as well, which explains why he’s gotten so good in such a short period of time. He currently leads all players in money earned by a wide margin, and I don’t see him giving up that lead very easily. These two guys are finesse players.

On the other hand, you’ve got bludgeoners like Alex and Bob. These two are classic take-no-prisoners, lop your head off with a sledgehammer type players. They will try and beat you into submission. They’re kinda like: “you like your cards? Let’s see how much you like ‘em after I raise you $30″. While not as successful as the finesse players, they can make some big money as we have all seen, but they can lose some big coin as well. They are successful through intimidation and they have proven that bullying can be a very useful tool for winning at poker.

Into that mix you can throw in plodders like Dave and Jack. These two guys are proof that chasers and never-met-a-hand-you-didn’t-like type players can have success as well. While Dave has been playing well this year so far, it’s Jack that impresses me the most with this style of play. I’m constantly surprised at how well he does playing this style of poker. Then again, he does have decades of experience playing cards with the big boys, and that’s gotta count for something. I’m not sure where the rest of us fall in, probably a little of all of these styles. But one thing is for sure, if I could choose which style to emulate and to strive for, it would be the patient style of Keith and Paul.

I set off this week to play with more patience and to some degree it worked. I know I still lost, but only $11. I could have finished positive but for one lapse in which I lost approx. $30 in one hand. Why? I lost my patience, simple as that. I tried to force a win and I got bitten in the ass because of it. In a year when winning doesn’t come so easy, patience is the only thing that will keep you afloat. Well, I’d like to hear what you all have to say about this, as well as adding any of your own thoughts to it. Let me know what you think.

As always, The Stats: POKER 2014

Next game will be at Ken Lum’s House of Mild Discomfort. Don’t forget our new $2 rule for all non-hosting players. Did Eric take his Jesus picture home? Dude, at this point you need something, anything, to dig yourself outta the hole you’re in, so don’t turn your back on THE LORD!! In keeping with the biggest sporting event in the world starting this week, I bring you Babes of the World Cup:

world_cup_football_girls_623200653711pm786 Sport_South_Africa_2010_FIFA_World_cup_Football_fans_023162_

Eel out.





The Bizarre Ramblings of The Law.

1 06 2014

The Front Bottoms
Verified account
‏‪@TheFrontBottoms
Hi guys. We’re going on a national Say Anything tour, and we’re looking for two oil boys who can grease us off… ‪  http://fb.me/6HOHb3DT2

 

First off, this is my first ever posting. I think I have taken on every other kind of literary form there is, even made good money at some of them, but gimme a big fuckin’ break if you think I can fill Carlos’ size 69 XXX shoes.

I appreciate the opportunity to contribute while the jack into Carlos’ medulla oblongata takes its bi-weekly cool down period (and don’t just unplug it this time, Carlos – Jesus Christ wash it off for fuck’s sake!!).

One housekeeping matter this before I get into poker next month: the highly talented New Jersey band “The Front Bottoms” are looking, as the ad says, for a couple of talented oil boys to help grease them off.

I am probably the only guy at our table with professional grease off experience, so I will give this one a pass in order to give others an opportunity to truly reach for the glory hole. I’m selfless like that – and now career and a seat at the Round Table of Greasing Excellence are available to anyone brave enough to seize the thong moment.

Having spent twenty years at the Table with the likes of Lars “40 Weight” Johansson and the legendary Randolph “Grease Fire” Johansson (coincidentally, not related, though they do maintain a registered domestic partnership recognized in both Stockholm and Malibu County), let me tell you that the global fraternity of oil boys is a highly selective fraternity. Being an oil boy is to enter one of the world’s great professions that, like the burgeoning field of international human rights law, makes a daily and very dramatic difference in the lives of the world’s most oppressed and disadvantaged people, especially those with very dry skin.

For my part, having experienced the highs – the lows – and, above all, the high viscosity lifestyle of an oil boy on the road with both Danish supermodels (lovely to look at, but lousy tippers) and the Thunder from Down Under (didn’t anyone “brief” these guys on North American sexual harassment laws????JESUS!!!), I am happy to pass on the thong torch to the next generation.

Also my wrists are very sore from my last two oil boy gigs (confidential client list but here’s a hint for anyone who cares: Clinton Foundation).

I would be happy to suggest any of you for this gig, but I tip my hat toward Keith and Bob because they are consistent winners at the table and having them away on the “camino del margarino” for two months will give those of us with more erratic track records a chance to relocate our winning ways.

Bob and Keith: if you are up for it, let me know. I can hand over my personal oil boy kit and thong and also get you in touch with the oil boy union in Palm Springs. You’ll be on permittee status for your first week, then move up to apprentice by the end of the tour. The only rule I follow is that if a client wants you to grease them down before a performance or runway show, and they say that they want you to wear a banana hammock while doing it? RUN, do not walk, because they do not really have a performance or runway show at all, and are trying to trick you into a free grease down (fuck you, Kate Moss, I will never work with you again, you two bit slag. On behalf of all pro oil boys everywhere, I hope your skin gets really, really flaky).

Canucks in five!

Stats: POKER 2014

“The Law” has made his case.

PS. Eric is offering this complimentary hat to any and all volunteers. images

Game is at Chris’s house.

Eel out!!

Displaying The Front Bottoms ‪.docx.




Poker sucks, so here are some jokes.

25 05 2014

A couple of  good poker jokes:

“That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker,” the housewife told a neighbor. “You didn’t do it, did you?” “I have to admit I did — though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven’t done, though, is tell my husband the rent is paid up for six months!”

A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said the friend. “I’ll be right over,” whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, “Is it serious?” “Oh yes, quite serious,” said the doctor gravely. “In fact, there are three doctors there already!”

Gambling Quotes:
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.   Steven Wright
Poker is like sex – everyone thinks they’re the best, but most people don’t have a clue what they’re doing.   Dutch Boyd
If you’re playing a poker game and look around the table and can’t tell who the sucker is, it’s you.   Paul Newman.
I borrowed Stewie’s time machine and took a picture of my chip stack as of next Friday at Bob’s. Just giving you all fair warning.cutcaster-photo-100619209-Big-stack-of-cips
The stats: POKER 2014
Eel out.







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